Northeast Goes Cullen
by The Grimmy Reaper
Summary: What if the Cullen boys came to the small college of NEMCC? What misadventures could befall them with me along?
1. Article from The Forks High Informer

A/N: Yay! I actually posted something! It's been a while…

I think this needs some serious background information thrown at you. You see, when we are eating lunch at college, we tend to get into strange discussions about random things. And by "we" I mean Brittney and I. One day the topic came up of what it would be like if the Cullen boys came to our small college. It was decided that we would _have _to be friends with them. And that I had to write a story about our adventures (or misadventures really). If you aren't aware of Northeast Mississippi Community College, I understand why. It's a college of 3 thousand people and not too impressive. But they end up here anyway!

It's mostly for Brittney's and my entertainment. There isn't a lot to do in the great city of Booneville, Mississippi. So this is our form of fun. If you get some laughs out of it, then kudos to you! I think it's has funny points, especially the prologue. So much fun to do! I wish it were true…

Oh, and you need to know when the prologue is set! It's set in the beginning of _Twilight_ on the snowy day. You know, the one with the epic snowball fight that got rained out.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_ and its characters! Nobody owns Brittney and I! Mwahaha!

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_**Tragedy Strikes Forks High School **_**by Angela Weber**

A playful, carefree snowball fight between classes yesterday at Forks High School ended in disaster. Michael Newton, 17, playfully threw a snowball in the direction of Isabella Swan, 17. Isabella turned around, only to hit in the face with the ball of ice. She was knocked off-balance. She fell backward, hitting her head on the sidewalk with full force.

"We were just joking around!" says Newton. "I didn't mean to hurt anybody, especially not Bella."

Miss Swan was rushed to Forks Hospital. She suffered from severe head trauma and died shortly after her arrival.

"We did everything possible for Miss Swan," said Dr. Carlisle Cullen. "Unfortunately the trauma was too severe."

Isabella Swan was the daughter of Forks' police chief Charlie Swan. She had recently moved from Phoenix, Arizona.

Miss Swan's visitation will be held tonight at 6:00 pm. Her funeral will be tomorrow at 2:00 pm.

All classes with be cancelled tomorrow because of the tragedy.

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Ta-da! Dead Bella! That idea took a long time, okay? I'm proud of it! And I know that if you read _Midnight Sun_ that Edward was already in love with her by that point, but I am excluding the entirety of the _Twilight_ series basically and creating my own story!

Review! And check out my other stuff!


	2. We're Going To Mississippi?

A/N: Chapter one already? Yup yup! I already had it written so I posted the prologue and chapter one back to back. Chapter two is going to be up right after this one. I've already got it done as well!

This one is actually quite hilarious. Well, if you imagine it the way I do, it's funny. I'll add some wonderful explanations at the end of this chapter for some of it, just in case the entirety of my jokes aren't expressed. Saying anything at this point would spoil it.

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Emmett bounded down the stairs and into the living room of the Cullen's home with a huge grin on his face. He held a top hat in his hand. Edward and Jasper were seated on the couch watching television. Emmett placed himself directly in front of the screen.

"Today's the day!" he shouted with much enthusiasm. Edward sighed and craned his neck trying to see the screen behind Emmett. Jasper pulled the hood of his sweatshirt as far over his face as it would stretch. "Come on, you two! Do I have to say it again? Today is _the_ day!" Jasper hugged his arms tight around his knees. Edward sighed again.

"Emmett," Edward said. "We are well aware that today is _the_ day, but could you please move? I'm watching this documentary about the psychological profiles of-" Emmett cut Edward off by throwing the top hat at him.

"I already wrote my choices down," Emmett said, undeterred. "Now it's your turn!" Jasper grunted in annoyance. "Come on, Jazz. You gotta get out of this funk sometime! College would be the perfect place to start!"

"This isn't just a 'funk'," Jasper said quietly. "My heart and soul have died. I have no reason left for anything."

"Jazz," Emmett said as he sat down on the couch next to Jasper and threw his arm around his shoulders. "I know it sucks that Alice left without even an explanation, but it's been almost 6 months. I mean, Rose and I split up 3 months ago, and I'm already doing pretty damn well, if I say so myself." Jasper shrugged Emmett's arm off of his shoulder.

"Dartmouth and Yale," was all he said as he laid his head upon his knees. Emmett grabbed a stack of Post-It notes and wrote the colleges down on separate sheets. Then he turned to face his other brother.

"Edward? What college would you like to go to this time around?" His voice was sugary sweet, as was the smile on his face.

Edward rolled his eyes. "How about…" He paused. "Princeton… and… Oh, why not Harvard?" Emmett wrote those down as well. He then folded them and placed them into the top hat.

"Aren't you going to tell us what you chose?" Jasper asked.

"Nope. It's a surprise. And don't even think about reading my thoughts Edward. The names of the colleges are safely tucked away in my mind." With overly flamboyant movements, Emmett leapt gracefully over the coffee table and turned off the television. He held the top hat out in front of himself.

"And now the moment has arrived." He closed his eyes and dipped his hand into the hat. As he pulled the slip of paper out, he said, "And the lucky college that will have the Cullens in attendance this time is…" He paused dramatically as he unfolded the Post-It. He chuckled once as he read the name. "Well, what do you know. It's my choice." His brothers looked at him expectantly. "We're going to Mississippi."

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So, I think there may be one joke I need to explain. I'm not sure what college Emmett pulled out of the hat. It _may_ have been the one he said. Or it may have been another one. I don't think it really matters. He would have said what he wanted no matter what…

So, yeah. Review this chapter and read my other stories!


	3. What's a NEMCC?

A/N: Chapter two! Yay! This one is actually set at college! It provides a bit of info, but nothing too hilarious yet. And once again, I'll add some more info at the end, because adding it now would spoil some of it.

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"Northeast Mississippi Community College…" Jasper said as he stared up at the 3 story dormitory he was to live in. He was cloaked in a black hooded sweatshirt and jeans, despite the unbearably hot weather. His hood was pulled up and he had on dark sunglasses. "Of all the colleges in the world, I still don't get why you chose this one." Emmett was beside him, practically bouncing with joy.

"I've never been to Mississippi before!" Emmett was wearing long cargo shorts and a t-shirt, glad to be in a warmer climate. "And this place is practically perfect! It's warm, but it's still overcast. So, we can go out without worrying that we'll be noticed!"

Edward stood on the other side of Emmett. He was dressed in his usual beige sweater and brown slacks. His cell phone was pressed to his ear. He placed his hand over the mouthpiece and spoke to Emmett. "Warm? This place is beyond warm. And its so humid I feel like I'm breathing in water instead of air."

"Then don't breathe," was Emmett's reply. Edward simply rolled his eyes and began speaking quickly and quietly into his phone again. Emmett grabbed it from Edward's hand and threw it hard against the ground, pulverizing it.

He smiled as Edward glared daggers at him. "This is supposed to be an adventure Edward. Stop trying to arrange for a house. I checked and these dorms are pretty damn private. You'll live."

Edward's glare deepened as he said, "Private? How are they private when I'm sharing one _with you_? I thought we agreed that I was _NEVER EVER_ going to have to share with you again after I had to live with you for _four years _at Harvard!" Emmett grinned.

"Oh, come on, Wardo! You know you loved it!" he said, as he threw an arm around Edward's shoulder. "Besides, I don't think you want to live with Jazz right now." Jasper growled quietly at him. "Not that we don't love you, Jazz. It's just you are a bit moody right now, and nobody wants their emotions manipulated at random. I don't like going from depression to rage in a split second. It's mind boggling." Jasper just pulled his sweatshirt tighter around himself. Edward shrugged Emmett's arm off of his shoulders.

"Be that as it may, I still remember your habits from college," Edward said, stooping down to pick up the scattered remains of his phone. "And they are not appealing to me in the least. I don't enjoy your habit of drinking alcohol in an overabundance. Nor do I enjoy your eating habits. Just because your ability happens to be that you can consume human food and digest it that doesn't mean you should take it to the extremes you do when Esme isn't around to monitor you."

Emmett rolled his eyes. "You're just jealous. Now, come on and carry your stuff upstairs." With that, the three Cullen boys gathered their things and began descending the stairs toward their adjacent third story rooms.

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There you go! Chapter two! I know these have been short so far, but the next ones should be longer. I don't know yet because I haven't written them. But they _should_ be longer.

So, extra info. The nickname Emmett uses on Edward ("Wardo") is from _Growing Up Cullen_. As is the idea of Emmett being able to eat. If you haven't read it, what is wrong with you? Find it and consume the delectable goodness that it is! I lost the link to it or I would provide it. Just Google it or something. It's on livejournal. Wish I could remember who wrote it, but I can't.

Anyway, review this chapter! And (I hate to ask again, but…) check out my other stuff!

**UPDATE:**

**Growing Up Cullen is written by oxymoronassoc on livejournal!!!**


	4. And So They Meet

A/N: Chapter 3! Yay! Um, I think I need to get a point across before you read this work of genius… Jasper is _highly_ favored in this chapter. And when I say "highly" favored, I mean every word said about him is dripping with adoration and joy. The others will get their time…

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"Oh, for the love of all that is holy, Emmett!" Edward yelled as he took in the massive amount of food Emmett had laid before him. "Did you really have to take the entire cake? And two pizzas? And… God, I don't even want to know what the rest of this is intended to be…" Emmett just guffawed.

"The food is already paid for, Wardo!" he said with a mouthful of delicious chocolate cake. "Besides, I have to eat enough for you and Jazz, too!" Jasper looked up from the booth adjacent to the one Emmett had covered in food. He was curled up in the corner of the seat.

"Emmett, even if I could eat, I certainly wouldn't nourish myself with that… what do you call that?" Jasper said, momentarily looking away from his Nietzsche.

"This, my dear brother, is… well, I'm not sure. But it looks edible!" Then, he scooped a large spoonful into his mouth. Jasper shuddered slightly at his brother's eating habits.

"How in the hell is that edible?" Edward asked, poking at a slice of pizza with a fork. "Please, Emmett, allow me to cook for you if you insist upon eating at all."

Emmett shook his head. "Nope. We're supposed to be fitting in. And the students here eat in the cafeteria. If you cook a huge gourmet meal in the room downstairs in the dorm, we will stand out quite terribly. Not to mention that everyone will want me to share, and let's face it, that is not my strong point."

Suddenly, Edward's eyes grew large, and he gasped. "Emmett, you shouldn't have taken the entire cake. There is quite an angry young lady staring daggers in this direction. Her thoughts are… well, let's just say, they even terrify me."

Emmett, ever the one for subtlety, turned around and stared directly in the direction of the dessert bar. He chuckled. "Wow. She does look angry. Think I should give her a slice?" he said, not bothering to lower his voice and letting it flow across the cafeteria. Edward rolled his eyes. Jasper just sighed and returned to his book while shaking his head slightly.

The girl in question was Brittney Hudson, and she was indeed angry. She ate a piece of the delicious chocolate cake every day, and Emmett had taken away her moment of Zen and chocolate. She walked away from the dessert bar to a table just to the right of the entrance. Seated at the table was another girl, Jayme Johnson.

Emmett got up from his food covered table and walked over to where the two girls were seated. He held out a plate of cake toward Brittney. She looked up at the hulking figure wide eyed, but then she noticed he was holding cake. She narrowed her eyes and glared at him suspiciously for a moment. Emmett put on his most charming smile and shoved the cake an inch further, offering it to her. While still suspiciously eyeing him, she took the cake from his hand. His smile widened, and she blushed a deep scarlet and turned her attention toward the cake.

Meanwhile, Jayme had been staring at him wide eyed. He looked over at her and smiled, adding a chuckle in with it. Then, with much enthusiasm, he said, "Hi! I'm Emmett!"

With her eyes still huge and her eyebrows furrowed, she said, "Hi… I'm Jayme. You're quite enormous, sir." He laughed.

"Thanks!" He then turned his attention back to Brittney. She was shoving her fork into the moist cake. She took a big bite. But unfortunately, just as she did, she looked up at Emmett. He flashed a quick wink at her, and she choked slightly. Not too severely. Just enough to coax a few coughs out of her. This time Edward, Jasper, and Jayme joined in with Emmett's roaring laughter. Brittney's scarlet cheeks just turned even darker.

Once the laughter ceased, Emmett, keeping the grin on his face, said, "So, would you two ladies like to join my brothers and I?" Jayme's face lit up at the possibility of being near the intriguing blond immersed in Nietzsche. Brittney, on the other hand, was still a bit wary, but she put on her professional façade.

"Sure. We'd love to." She said the words a bit unenthusiastically and dry. While she didn't care to join them, Jayme was practically bouncing in her seat with excitement. She just had to say yes for Jayme's sake! After all, she was just so darn happy about it!

They grabbed their things and headed over to the booths where the boys were seated. Since Emmett and Edward's booth had been overtaken by food, the girls were forced to sit with Jasper (not that it bothered Jayme). Edward moved to sit next to Jasper, who had finally torn himself away from the book when the girls sat down. Jasper looked at Jayme with a curious glint in his fascinating topaz eyes. Jayme (the bold and audacious one) stared right back. His lips tugged up into a small smile when she waggled her eyebrows at him.

"So, my name is Edward, and this-" He pointed a thumb at his brother beside him. "-is Jasper. And of course you've already met Emmett. But what are your names?"

Jayme (who was literally bouncing in her seat) smiled widely and said, "Hi, I'm Jayme!" She even added a wave with her introduction. She was just excited to be sitting near the gorgeous blond named Jasper, who was still eyeing her with the smirk on his immaculate face. But then again, you can't really tell when she's not excited. A smile is generally plastered on her face, and she is always bouncing in her seat.

Brittney, still immersed in her cake, took a moment to answer as she swallowed another bite of chocolate delight. "I'm Brittney." She was feeling a bit awkward, but can you really blame her? A large and quite intimidating guy had just gave her a piece of cake and winked at her, and then he had invited her to eat lunch with him and his brothers.

Jayme picked up a piece of cauliflower from her bowl and began gnawing on it absent-mindedly, her eyes unfocused and staring off into space, and she hummed quietly, swaying to the beat of the song. Jasper smiled fully and chuckled. She looked at him with a deer-in-the-headlight expression.

"What?" She somehow had managed to address him directly, even though she was a bit dazed and dazzled by his mesmerizing laugh.

He chuckled once more before speaking with an adorable Southern accent that Jayme had not been expecting. "Nothing. It's just you seem so content to hum show tunes and eat your cauliflower. You _were_ humming 'Funny Face', right?"

She tilted her head sideways and smiled softly. "Yeah. I just love Audrey Hepburn. And Fred Astaire. It's pretty much one of my favorite movies ever! And he sings it so well!" Jasper laughed quietly at her enthusiasm. The emotions she emitted were extremely positive, and he couldn't help but feel comfortable around her.

"So, since you're obviously into musicals, what others do you like?" he asked, hoping to learn more about this excessively happy young woman. He didn't realize that he had just opened up a topic she had trouble shutting up about, though.

As Jayme and Jasper sat talking (well, she was talking; he was smiling and listening intently as she rambled on about _RENT_), Emmett pulled up a chair to the outside edge of the booth, placing himself between Brittney and Edward. He smiled and looked back and forth between them.

"So…" Eyebrow waggle. "What's up?"

Brittney's eyes narrowed into thin slits, her eyebrows furrowed, and she pursed her lips. "What's up? I'll tell you what's up! You _stole_ my cake!"

"You still mad about that?" he said while cocking his head to the side. His usually arrogant voice turned very small and adorable. "I gave you a slice…"

"Don't - don't change the subject!" she yelled at him, a bit befuddled. Instead of answering her, he dipped his pinkie into the icing of the cake and licked it off seductively. He flashed another wink. And once again, Brittney choked (this time on nothing but air), and her face turned a brilliant red. Edward chuckled quietly and suppressed a smile as he heard her thoughts. She glared at Edward icily.

"Don't make fun of the poor girl, Edward," Emmett said, while elbowing Edward's arm. "I'm just so damn irresistible! Even I want me!" Brittney's glare at Edward turned I to a wide-eyed stare at Emmett.

"Emmett, it's not very polite to make fun of our guests," Jasper said now that Jayme's ranting was finished. He still had a smile on his face, and he seemed the most serene he had since Alice left.

Edward raised his eyebrows slightly at Jasper, who nodded subtlety. But not quite subtlety enough. Jayme and Brittney exchanged a glance, confused. After all, they were still unaware of the boy's gifts. Edward had simply been reacting to Jasper's thoughts, which revolved wholly around the bubbly young lady across the table from him.

"So," Jayme began, "where are you guys from?" She was bouncing in her seat and smiling.

"Forks, Washington," Emmett responded. "It's tiny. The population is about the same as the number of people at this school. Speaking of Forks, there's nothing fun to do there. Is there anything to do here?" Brittney and Jayme exchanged a glance.

"No," they both said at the same time. Then they giggled simultaneously.

"If you want to do anything, you pretty much have to go to Tupelo," Jayme said. "There's not a lot to do, but there is an _amazing_ sushi restaurant." Emmett's face lit up.

"Hells yeah! I'd love me some damn sushi!" he responded. "How far away is it? And what are you ladies doing tonight?" The girls exchanged an apprehensive look. What had they gotten into?

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Ta-da! So… yeah. A lot of Jasper love went into this chapter… And "Jayme" is so *clears throat* obviously _not_ me! *cough cough* So… yeah…

Reviews are welcome!

**Brittney loves Emmett!!! Mwahaha!!!**

**(I told you I would write it on here…)**


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